(Another girls-only post)

A friend sent me a news article about how being on the pill reduces one’s ability to build muscle, whilst at the same time increasing cortisol levels, in women exercising at the same level. And I was like, “Huh! No wonder I don’t look like Arnold yet. Also, I hate exercise. But I digress.” (A close paraphrase of what I wrote back, LOL.)

I’ve been on it on and off (mostly on) since way before I needed it for, uh, the deed. I put on about ten pounds in the first four months of being on it, but that – and a near-total lack of libido – have been the only side effects. So this whole pill-muscle-cortisol thing came as a bit of a surprise.

Then I thought to look up some other side effects of the pill, some of which I’d heard about in bits and bobs on online news sites or in the occasional Chatelaine at my parents’ house.

The pill does indeed kill your sex drive. Which again, for me, these days? Not a problem.

The pill makes you smell out the men least appropriate to you. Uh, check. Those of you aware of my unrequited crushes will be bouncing on your chairs right now and singing the ‘I told you so’ song. But see? It’s not entirely my bad taste in men, it’s also my bad bad hormones! Also I remember reading somewhere that women on the pill prefer more feminine-looking men more of the time. See? See?

The pill, statistically speaking, makes it a little bit harder for you to lose weight. Generally I don’t try, but after starting the pill, when I do try, it doesn’t work.

The pill will give you sunspots. Check. I find them on my decolletage now if I’m not assiduous with sunblock.

The pill increases your risk of bloodclots. I don’t smoke and I’m overweight but not obese, so this doesn’t really freak me out. However, the fact that you won’t have much warning of a thrombotic event kind of makes me nervous.

The pill may increase your risk of hepatic adenomas, benign and (gulp) otherwise.

The pill may or may not work if you take it in conjunction with alcohol and also antibiotics. (A friend of mine actually became pregnant while on the pill and taking antibiotics for a bout of bronchitis. The more you know!)

The pill may also increase your risk of depression.

Anyway, everyone’s got their reasons for using this type of birth control vs. not using this type, this isn’t really an opinion post, I’m just saying there are side effects they don’t tell you about on the drug insert, mmkay? Now everybody go about your business.

Regular readers will have noted that I don’t often cover current events except when said events evoke a particularly strong emotional response. So here’s one for you: I do not like that the Alberta government is delisting medical sex changes for transgendered persons from the list of publicly-funded services.

This is something I do not like at all.

On the ride to work this morning, the local radio station we usually listen to – not generally known for its class or restraint in the first place (‘And now here’s a message from Cousin Trish’s fetus’) – decided to tackle the delisting debate. Idiot DJs #1 and #2 were all for it; Idiot DJ #3, thrillingly, against it. Unfortunately, he defended his position with such meanness and bile that I think he may have done more damage than good. And on a station like this, OK, you expect morons to call in. But to compare a sex change to a boob job? To laser eye surgery? Jesus Christ, people. Fuck. Off.

Idiot DJ #2 was trying to defuse the situation by saying “But this whole transgender thing, a lot of people in Alberta believe it’s a choice.” I am calling bullshit on that. I don’t doubt that the majority of Albertans do believe it’s a choice, just as they believe alternate sexual orientations are a choice; even the ‘nice,’ ‘rational,’ ‘reasonable’ Albertans who are pretty open-minded about everything else will tell you that they believe it’s something you opt into. But since when do people’s beliefs have a place in public policy? I believe that smokers who develop lung cancer should pay for their own care, and that public flogging and castration of sex offenders should be paid for by the province; who’s taking my beliefs into account? Exactly.

Another thing that bugs me: callers who think transgenders, intersex, and transvestites are the same thing. For the last time:

1. A transgender person isn’t just some dude who wants to be a chick, or vice-versa. It isn’t a woman who wakes up with cramps and thinks, “Gee, I’d sure like to be a man.” It is a life in the wrong body. It is trying to exist somewhere you can’t exist. Have you guys ever read ‘Great Apes,’ by Will Self? Go read it. The first response to captivity in the wrong body is mental illness. The second is suicide. This is not a quality-of-life issue on par with poor vision or small breasts. This is life and death.

2. An intersex individual is what some people think all transgender individuals are, and that’s not the case; nor is it the case that all intersex people choose sex-change surgery. Intersex people were born with a glitch in their sexual plumbing, usually caused by genetic errors in their parents’ gametes, an inherited genetic disorder such as Klinefelter or Turner Syndrome (Kim, what’s the last one? I can’t remember), or by the influence of environmental factors, usually endocrine disruptors, in utero. You know that hermaphrodite in Fellini’s ‘Satyricon’? Like that. These are the folks whom the ignorant callers would give an exception for, “Oh, well if you’re born like that, then of course we should all pay for corrective surgery.” But transgendered people don’t get that magnanimity because they’re born with a defect that can’t be seen.

3. Transvestites wear the clothing/’vestments’ of the opposite sex. And again, whether that’s a choice or not, whether that’s the way they’re wired, whether they get pleasure from it or are expiating their personal demons, whether they look good or convincing or terrible or flametastic, it is not our place to look down on them or deny their right to do their thing.

Let’s present the radio callers with another question: what evidence do you have that transgender is a choice? Or, put another way: why would anyone voluntarily choose sex reassignment involving years of therapy and psychological evaluations, swallowing and injecting hormones every day, the ostracism of family, friends, employers, and strangers, self-hatred, self-doubt, numerous painful surgeries and recoveries? This isn’t a bloody lark. This is a serious undertaking and it is permanent. This is kids two and three years old struggling to conform with gender norms that they already recognize as the wrong ones. (And no, I’m not suggesting that transgender toddlers get sex changes. I’m saying that it can be seen early because it is inherent.)

Bah. That radio show ruined my entire morning. And for what? There’s nothing I can do about the delisting, or about any of the other services that will inevitably be removed from public funding and that will get less press, so we may not even find out about them. The transgender debate is the tip of the iceberg, it is a singling-out of an already-oppressed minority, and things are only going to get worse.

I’m going back to work. Readers, thoughts?

Enkidu wishes you all a happy Easter!

(He gave up sugar for Lent and so has been eating Peeps pretty well steadily since last night.)