I have a favour to ask all y’all!

Well, sort of a proposition… and a favour.

But hear me out first!

First, going to weddings alone sucks, doesn’t it? Especially when you don’t know anyone except the bride or the groom.
I’ve gone to the last bunch alone. It is a pissy, pissy thing to be sitting there at a table of seven or nine strangers, with three or four other couples all turned to each other and talking to each other and dancing with each other. It’s like when you’re single at a wedding, you’re invisible! People wouldn’t even strike up a conversation with me at Wing’s wedding. And it’s tedious and sad, and there’s no one to talk to, you end up watching people’s hats and coats while they go pee or dance, you end up leaving early because it’s just too boring, and just blechhh. A room of hundreds and you just feel like the loneliest person in the universe.

Grim, eh?

So I’ve got this wedding in Edmonton on July 26th and I just said “FOCK EEET” and threw the reply card in the mail this morning with ‘Premee Mohamed + Guest’ marked. Now, I don’t want the guest to be my left hand with a couple of dots drawn on for eyes, OK?

I want a wedding date.

Boy or girl, dudn’t matter to me; single preferable, though if any married folks whose spouses are cool with it want to volunteer, that would be good too; own transportation not necessary though there should be lots of parking; this is a one-time gig since I’m not actually going to the other two weddings this summer.

WHAT YOU GET
- You don’t have to attend the ceremony!
- Plentiful - in fact, unlimited - girl (or boy) meeting opportunities!
- Delicious, delicious wedding food! At the Union Bank Inn, so you know it’s fancy!
- I’ll buy you two drinks!
- Possibility of a goodnight kiss! (Or - let’s be more realistic here - a slightly drunken goodnight grope)
- A chance to dress up and smell nice!
- Everybody loves a drunken Premee! (Plus, having a date there virtually guarantees that I won’t be a drunken mess by the end of the night and end up making out with a low-hanging chandelier!)
- It’ll be so good for your karma!

I’m cross-posting this to Facebook to increase the pool of candidates, but I’m really serious here. I put in my reply card already. Do you know what a reply card is? It’s like SIGNING OVER YOUR FIRSTBORN. It is CARVED IN STONE, man. I said I’d be bringing someone.

So, who’ll step up to the plate? Come on. If you were really my friend you’d volunteer. ;-)