Oh my God, do I ever miss genetics. I found this list today (composed circa early 2000) and my heart shattered.

YOU MIGHT BE A FREAKY GENETIMATISTICIAN IF:

- You never swat a fly before checking its eyes and wings for new mutations
- You can spell the scientific name for yeast
- You can spell it backwards too
- Your favourite pickup line is “Let me take you back to my place and I’ll do your karyotype all night long”
- You have enough discarded Punnett squares to paper the Reichstagg
- You name your dog E. collie
- You drool when anyone mentions conjugation
- You are homozygous recessive at the weenie locus
- You make jokes about being homozygous recessive at the weenie locus
- You refer to a newlywed couple as ‘stably base-paired’
- More than one guest at your house has been rushed to the ER after eating the little slab of blue Jell-O in your fridge
- You just thought ER stood for ‘endoplasmic reticulum’
- You refer to the male genitalia as the ‘sex pilus’
- And to female genitalia as ‘sticky ends’
- You can draw a Holliday junction with your eyes shut
- You have one tattooed on your ass-eye
- You call cigarettes ‘mutagen sticks’
- You call your beaded necklace your ‘plasmid’
- Of a Northern, Southern, Eastern, and Western blot, you know which one doesn’t exist
- And what the other three are for
- And how to perform each
- You refer to your parents as ‘repressors’
- You invoke DNA evidence in an argument about literature
- You keep trying to ultracentrifuge your siblings in a cesium-chloride gradient to prove your hypothesis about which one is the most dense
- You’ve had wet dreams about Jacob and Monod
- You’ve done so many Southern blots that you no longer recoil at the suggestion of a probe
- You occasionally tell your hairdresser to ‘cleave a little off the 3′ end and supercoil the rest’
- You get way too excited when your dentist tells you about your plaque… because you want to examine its morphology
- You spent most of your formative years watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles not because they were ninjas or turtles but mutants
- And you went crazy trying to figure out what mutagens were in the ooze
- And you tried to use balancer chromosomes to create a pure-breeding ninja turtle

Goddammit. My glory days!