The Plan

January 18th, 2006 by Premee

When I grow up, I’m getting a komodo dragon, naming him ‘Kool Moe D,’ and building a fence around my backyard so he can’t get out. After he undergoes basic attack lizard training, I will unleash him upon my enemies. His fundamental dragonosity will be intensified by a few weeks of light starvation and an educational regimen of electric shocks from the komodo dragon obedience collar I will have invented by that point. After all my enemies have succumbed to K.M.D’s lethal bites, I will use him to threaten major political figures and their families until they give in and hand over control of the country. Following my coup, I intend to make Quebec into one giant skating rink, kick everyone out of BC and make it a wildlife reserve, and rename Canada ‘Premonia.’

Any questions?

Good.

(Image copyright www.komodonationalpark.org)

Posted in General | 8 Comments »

8 Responses

1. Kim Says:
   January 18th, 2006 at 7:26 pm

   Um, I have a question… well, two really.

   1. Why turn Quebec into a skating rink? The last time I saw you skate was in grade 10 gym class, and you were somewhat less than graceful. Can’t you turn it into something more fun?

   2. What happens to me when you kick everyone out of BC? I’ve grown rather fond of working within blocks of the Pacific.

   Otherwise, the plan sounds good.

2. 32-P Says:
   January 19th, 2006 at 8:20 am

   Oh mi amor, how naive you are in the ways of politics. History teaches us that when two cultures meet they tend to clash and conquer, rather than blend and cooperate. Thus, the answers to your questions are:

   1. Quebec can’t play nice with the rest of Canada; if they want special treatment, they’ll dang well get it – under nineteen inches of ice.

   2. I’ll put a fence around your apartment building so the pumas, etc, can’t get in. :-D

3. Solange Says:
   January 19th, 2006 at 10:41 am

   Sounds like a plan Premee… but I have grown quite fond of Quebec…well, Montreal and Quebec City. Please spare these two cities from the nineteen inches of ice!

4. Mark Says:
   January 19th, 2006 at 11:26 am

   Did you forget that I’m moving to Montreal this Spring? If, by chance, I have any say in it, I’d prefer not to be buried under a skating rink. In fact, given Quebec’s agreeable social values and unique culture, I submit that perhaps Alberta could be flipped upside down and turned into a fascinating lava park.

5. 32-P Says:
   January 19th, 2006 at 1:30 pm

   Provided that, in the distant future after my takeover, Quebec can play nice with the rest of Premonia…it may not be turned into a skating rink. However, in the case that separatism is still alive and well, I will consider leaving Montreal and Quebec City as reservations where native Quebecois may preserve their agreeable social values and unique culture.
   Also, Mark, for suggesting that my beloved Alberta be turned into a lava park, I’m going to train my komodo dragon to attack you first. ;-)

6. Solange Says:
   January 19th, 2006 at 4:58 pm

   I agree with you Marc! :)

7. 32-P Says:
   January 20th, 2006 at 11:19 am

   Aaaaaand guess who just won the coveted ‘Second person to be eaten by a large lizard’ award?

8. Didn’t Think That One Through at Soda Craze Says:
   October 11th, 2008 at 2:38 pm

   [...] So, once upon a while back, I had a great plan. [...]

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