Enormous Angry Men
July 28th, 2004 by 
Premee
CVB:
Me: What are you going to do next time, go upside [her] head?
CVB:
Me:…I’m going to go write that down.
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July 28th, 2004 by Premee
Shameless Plug
July 24th, 2004 by Premee
Ooh! Ooh! Mike In Europe is up!
Go check it out! :-D
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It’s Got a Title Now!
July 21st, 2004 by Premee
Ordinarily I don’t title my posts, but ordinarily I don’t get an opportunity this good. So, without further ado, the title of this post is:
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MONTRESOR!!
About a month ago, the roof above my mother’s deck was damaged in a storm. No big deal - the soffit was torn and there was a gap of what looked like two cubic feet or whatever. A couple of local pigeons started taking an unhealthy interest in it. Shooed away for a couple of days, they inevitably returned, and eventually decided to set up shop. Within a week, the enthusiastic, 24/7 sound of copulating pigeons (which sounds like very loud cooing plus even louder metal banging) had driven my mother around the bend, and our frantic phone calls to get the soffit fixed kept going unanswered. “Must be the last name,” my brother said laconically. He was rather a lot less laconic when the pigeons figured out that there was virgin land, so to speak, in the rest of the roof. So, they started a colony on my and my brother’s side of the house. Hilarious! The banging, the clanging, the cooing, the sound of running footsteps, the fluttering, the ninety-decibel pigeon aerobics!
Yesterday we got the soffit fixed, sealed up tight, nice and new with clean flashing and new supports. Very professional job. Only problem - the adult pigeons flew out when the work started. The nestlings, of course, did not. They’re still up there (as we found out this morning, following a celebratory night of self-congratulation for surviving our ordeal). Yes, they’re still up there. They are right above my room. They are making noises that make me want to pee my pants. Did Montresor feel like this after he bricked up Fortunato? My God. The noises woke me up this morning around 5, and I lay there in a cold sweat for half an hour. They sound like the pickle of goose and crocodile that the sound effects team knocked up for the T. rex in ‘Jurassic Park.’
I’m freaking out. Can I move in with one of you guys? :-(
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Good Riddance to Bad Rubbish
July 16th, 2004 by Premee
Today’s Miscellaneous News:
1. The most boring, smug, insincere, and pedantic twit I’ve ever had the displeasure of knowing is now in Monterrey, Mexico (unless he got beaten and robbed along the way, or got lost, or raped, or was hit by a meteorite). I’m so happy he’s gone. I’m less happy that I seem to be the locus of many people running very fast away from me - to Calgary, Montreal, Quebec City, Vancouver, Toronto, and now Mexico. I hope it’s just a coincidence… but I sense, vaguely, that it’s not.
2. Pigeons nesting in our roof have driven my mother to drink. I’d be sobbing with laughter if I weren’t already sobbing from lack of sleep.
3. Hey Kim, my mom has been carrying a paper Holt Renfrew’s gift bag along with her purse for years, and a couple of her Asian friends do the same with La Senza or Chinatown bags. Edmontonians can be fashionable too! ;-)
4. I just became re-obssessed with dinosaurs, after a five-year hiatus. I can’t believe I was ever able to tear myself away from them for so long. I told my brother that if he were a dinosaur, he’d be a styracosaurus, “Because they’re the horniest of them all.” What kind of dinosaur would you be? :-)
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Disillusioned
July 6th, 2004 by Premee
Ah, how fleeting pleasure is, how fleeting. I met up with a couple of old pals on Sunday night and had the unfettered pleasure of planning a trip to the big V-Dot (word!) sometime at the end of the summer. Twenty hours later, the trip was called off because I can’t get the same time off as they can. I’m not frustrated by the trip being called off (someone suggested we three are the ‘world’s worst planners ever’), but I am slightly hurt by how short a time I was able to enjoy the prospect of the trip. I mean… what is there in life, really, that anyone enjoys for more than a day or two? Stuff loses its lustre. Knowledge starts to gall. Even friendship, even love, becomes a nagging tickle in the back of the mind instead of a source of pleasure. Life is nuts. And I don’t even enjoy insanity any more. Everyone please change the channel, we’re experiencing some technical difficulties on this end, and I’m just going to hide under my bed until they’re resolved. Good night.
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